In a couple weeks time, I have the honour of being an attendant in a wedding party. Just over 5 months ago, I gave birth to my first baby. These two life events occurring around the same time has given me great insight into the relationship I have with my body, and (more interestingly) how that has changed.

When shopping for my dress for the wedding, I answered questions like “Do you love it?”, “How does it make you feel?”, “Do you feel fabulous in it?”. All valid questions when you’re dress hunting for such an occasion. But as I searched for positive answers, I realised that in reality I don’t feel fabulous in a fancy dress. Getting dressed up and feeling ‘pretty’ just isn’t the same anymore.

Before you start the pity party for my seemingly lack of self esteem, let me be clear — my self esteem has never been healthier, and this is why:

For 40 weeks and 4 days last year, my body was invaded by a growing human being. I had the privilege of watching my body completely succumb to a new purpose and agenda. I grew a custom-made organ designed for the sole purpose of sustaining this new life, made extra blood and lots of fluid, my uterus expanded, my skin stretched, and in the end, I pushed a small person out through a reasonably small exit!

If that isn’t beautiful and worthy of respect, I don’t know what is!

Pregnancy, for me, was a beautiful, challenging, insightful, humbling, fun, and exhausting experience and I will never be the same again – both physically and emotionally. My boobs might never go back to their original cup size and my tummy might never loose that extra bit of flab, but my heart will never not love as fiercely and unconditionally as it does now that I am a mum.

Letting go of the ‘cosmetic’ relationship I had with my body and its appearance was my first real lesson in true beauty. Pregnancy is insanely wonderful and there is something profound in the miracle of what a womans body is capable of.

That is where I find the beauty in myself these days – in my purpose and my function. I look at myself in the mirror and see someone who grew another human inside her body and continues to sustain that person today. Y’see, almost 6 months into motherhood, my body still amazes me. I’m still breastfeeding my daughter full time, which means I am still 100% responsible for her nourishment. My body continues to work around the clock, in overdrive, to create what Macy needs to grow and be healthy.

When I look at my wardrobe today, I think about its suitability for breastfeeding (that is another skill in itself!), not what size I am. So while it’s nice to try on pretty dresses (and of course I can’t wait for the wedding in a couple weeks) my favourite outfit, the one I feel most beautiful in, is one that equips my body to fulfil its purpose and function.

Cosmetic beauty is temporary and skin deep.

Purposeful beauty is real.