Tag Archives: recovery

Good leaders example good rest.

Posted in God, Life, Uncategorized by

I believe there are two kinds of busy – a good and a bad kind. The good kind is what I mentioned here and is common for people in their 20’s. The bad kind is also common, especially among leaders, and is very dangerous. One difference between the two is the presence of rest. You can be good-busy and still rest. If you get stuck in the bad-busy chances are you’ve lost all your rest time and are headed towards burnout.

We all know the leadership road is tough, hard work, sometimes lonely, taxing and usually pretty exhausting. We also know leadership automatically puts people under our influence, people who follow our example (like it or not). I want to ask the question:

How are we exampling healthy REST to those we influence? 

IMG_4434Truth is, I don’t think we are. Not generally speaking anyway. This got me thinking — maybe we’re bad examples because we don’t know how to do it in the first place? 

If this is hitting home (and be honest, for some of you, it is) please indulge me as I offer a suggestion or two on the matter:

1. Know what rest means to you. 
This isn’t as easy as it sounds. It’s not just the coffee-with-friends kind of downtime, I mean the really deep, soul filling, brain-switching-off kind of rest. Only you can truly know what this is for you. It might be an activity, a person or people, a place… It might even be something that is a special time commitment. For me it’s music, decent time with my husband & family, and writing. (I’ve recently discovered that writing isn’t just fun, it’s an outlet that brings clarity to my head. Lovely!)

BTW – if your rest time involves people, make sure it’s not people who require much from you. It’s ok to take your leader-hat off and just be you for a bit.

2. Make rest part of your weekly rhythm.
Seems simple right? THEN WHY AREN’T WE DOING IT? #whereismysoapbox
There should be no compromises here people. Stop the glorification of busy. Choose a day and block it out for rest. If important stuff takes over your rest day (which happens) only say yes to the important stuff if you can reschedule your rest day. My basic rule here is: the longer it takes to have a rest, the more rest time I will need.

3. Don’t apologise for needing rest.
It was 7am on a Tuesday morning. I’d only had about an hour’s sleep. My alarm went off and I was acutely aware of how awful I felt after a sleepless night. My body was practically yelling at me that it’d had enough and I needed to stop. I was so looking forward to a catch up with someone but had to listen to my body, take the day off and reschedule. I was sorry that I didn’t get to see my friend, but I wasn’t sorry that I needed to rest. I know my body well enough that when it presents certain symptoms I have to listen. I will unapologetically turn down an invitation to hang out if I need to prioritise rest.

4. You are here to example REST as much as anything else. 
Yes, we will suffer for our calling. Yes, we sometimes will run ourselves into the ground. Yes, we will go above and beyond for the things and people we love. Yes, these are all great qualities to have as a leader and to example. But let me ask you: How are you exampling REST to those you influence? Passion and commitment are VITAL to your role but it’s not ok to let that passion steal your rest and burn you out. Those in your influence will see your example and naturally follow your lead. I have made it a priority to instil into those I mentor, a culture of understanding that rest and space is necessary.

5. Act now. Avoid disaster.
Develop good habits before it’s too late. Too many Pastors/Youth Workers/Leaders stay on the bad-busy road for too long and it’s time to set up a better way. I talk a lot about my physical symptoms or that my body ‘yells at me’ when it’s had enough. The specifics here are personal but trust me, you don’t want to get to the point where your capacity is clipped because your mind & body can’t handle it.

(And if you develop good habits now, you’ll example these habits to others and hopefully teach them how to balance life, serve well, rest well and avoid burnout.)

If you already have good resting habits, I APPLAUD YOU. Please please please share with me (and others) what you do to stay in good emotional health. We need to make it a cultural norm that we have time to rest properly.

Perhaps you struggle here and have awesome intentions but fail somewhat when it comes down to it. Fear not my friend, no one is perfect. Just promise me you will try.

(Fun fact, I mentioned the word ‘rest’ 25 times in the this blog. Guess I must be passionate about the topic….)

 

3 stages to burnout recovery || What I’ve learnt so far…

Posted in God, Life, SocMed by

[Originally published 13th May 2014]

If you’ve read my other posts this year, you’ve probably picked up that life wasn’t that easy last year. I’m ok to admit that, in fact, I think we should all talk about our struggles more often. As such, I’ve been reflecting on the recent months and I felt it might be good to share some of my burnout recovery experience with y’all.

[Disclaimer: 
I’m not a professional in this matter so please read this knowing that I am speaking only from my own personal research and experience. I’m also only about 6 months into my own recovery and therefore fully expect that my thoughts and advice will evolve.]

Stage 1: Know what burnout is.

I have found this handbook very easy to read, informative and therefore incredibly helpful. It describes burnout as:

“a form of chronic strain that develops over time in response to prolonged periods of high stress.”

It also describes three core dimensions of burnout being:

“emotional exhaustion, depersonalisation, and reduced personal accomplishment.”

Sounds scary, huh? Yeah. It kinda is. Burnout is basically like stress on steroids. 
It’s easy to ignore the signs and it can even happen when you love what you do. In fact, it’s more likely to happen in this case cos you are prepared to go the extra mile (the one that kills you) when you are more passionate.

I discovered I was burnt out in about October 2012, which meant I probably had it for at least a few months prior. Unfortunately it wasn’t until October 2013 (a year later) that I was able to step into a space of recovery. I’ve heard different opinions regarding how long burnout recovery can take but it seems the average is up to 2 years. #yikes


Stage 2: Prepare yourself for recovery.

– Relationships will change. The difficult times in life are great for revealing the true status of your relationships. Burnout is no different. It’s tough. People are in your life for a reason but in reality, very few will contribute to your support and healing. Their silence will hurt. But that’s ok. It will feel like they’re choosing your ‘ex’ over you (if burnout was like a bad relationship break up). You just gotta move on because during this early stage, you have to think about your own well-being and not the state of every single friendship in your world.

– Your capacity will disappear. I used to get my kicks out of having multiple priorities and responsibilities, juggling crazy hours, long days, volunteering, public speaking, the works! There came a point where I just couldn’t do all of that – I would get really sick, lose focus, feel anxious… I just didn’t feel like me anymore. It makes you feel pretty lost and I found it challenged my sense of identity.

– Cut out major responsibilities for the short term, and slowly re-introduce them as you begin to feel better. For me I had to stop working full time, and thanks to the support from my husband, was able to be at home more and take care of life’s simple responsibilities.

Stage 
3. Walk the recovery journey. Some tips:

– You have your good days and your bad days. Good days might mean you have the energy for a walk or run, a feeling of general happiness and a desire to be around people you would normally place in the “too draining” category. Bad days might look like staying in bed, unable to leave the house, re-watching a season (or two) of your favourite tv show. FYI – both good and bad days are not just allowed but are to be expected.

– Celebrate the small wins. As you rediscover your confidence, slowly, as new adventures entice you out of your cave and back into the land of the living, there will be moments when you achieve something. Even if it’s just getting through your emails, or nailing that work presentation, realise that you DO still have something to offer and you ARE a highly skilled individual.

– Acknowledge how bad it got, and that you have responsibility here, too. Brace yourself though, its hard to look back and you might discover it was a lot worse than you thought and you have more work to do to get better. (As was the case for me…)

– Evaluate your social media presence. I’ve found socmed to be pretty unhelpful with my recovery. Unfriend or at least unfollow people that bring up familiar and unwelcome feelings of anxiety. It only drags you back into the place where your head is filled with crap you don’t need.

– Learn from the past. Don’t make the same mistakes again. For me, I learned that doing too much, for too long, in an environment that wasn’t healthy for me was the killer combo. From now on I will be more discerning with people and projects I attach myself to, especially knowing now how much I pour myself into the work I do.

It’s not easy but I can honestly say that 6 months on, I am a million times better already. There is still a ways to go but I feel like I’m over the worst of it and I’m just about ready to take on a new adventure.

Thanks for listening. Hope this has helped someone.

JB xo

6 months on… How knee surgery changed my life.

Posted in Life by

[Originally published 19th June 2013]

Today marks 6 months since my knee reconstruction. The day that changed my life as I know it. The day I realised just how important a knee is and what it’s like when it doesn’t work properly. A part of me wishes it hadn’t happened (I’m only human), but most of me is grateful for what I’ve learnt. Let me share some thoughts… 

It changed my capacity.

Obviously I was physically limited (I couldn’t weight bear for a month and I didn’t drive for 6 weeks) but to my surprise (and occasional frustration!) my mental capacity was drastically reduced also. Recovering from surgery, relying on others, remembering to do your rehab, rethinking how you move/walk/sit/stand up is mentally EXHAUSTING. So when it came to other areas in my life, I had much less to give. And since I am not yet fully recovered, there is still an element of this today. But you know what? I’m actually ok about that. Being forced to slow down isn’t all bad… 

It changed my Christmas. 

My surgery was 6 days before Christmas. I spent the day sitting down with my leg elevated in a large brace – just a little bit different to what I was expecting. It was weird, not a whole lot of fun, but my family were amazing and I actually appreciated just sitting back and watching it all go by. 

It changed my understanding of ‘health’. 

I used to think that stress, tiredness, sickness, injury etc, weren’t that connected. But now it makes more sense to me that when one part of my being suffers, so will others. For example, after my surgery I noticed my eczema flared up and took longer to heal. If I only have one body, one mind, one heart, then I only have so much energy to keep them all running well. So these days I take a more wholesome approach to self care and take cues from my body and my mind when I’m not doing so well. 

If pictures are your thing, here’s a snapshot of my journey… 

I ruptured my ACL playing Netball, Tuesday 27th November. 

(5 months to the day before my wedding.)

Celebrating one of the first times I got up and about.

Early rehab exercises. Leg raises were hard work! 

Speaking of rehab… I had a method. Whiteboards rule! 

I also had some little rehab helpers. 

… and some entertainment. Tommy liked my “scrunches”…

You celebrate the little things – like doing a full rotation on a bike.

(I still can’t jog yet – hopefully soon.)  

Christmas Day view. 

My special rehab helper was also my buddy on Christmas Day. 

I couldn’t wear heels, but at least I walked down the aisle! 

I owe a lot to my family and friends, my (now) husband, and my Physio, Jonno, without whom the last 6 months would have been unbearable. Here’s to an even better 6 months and my triumphant return to netball (hopefully!) and the first day when I don’t think about my knee at all!

Jess xo