Tag Archives: facebook

The power of vulnerability to build community.

Posted in AccessTheStory, Life, SocMed by

I use social media a lot. I’m on Facebook, Instagram and twitter, the first two I use constantly, I mean, regularly. 😉 I also manage The Simple Life and contribute to AccessTheStory. (So many hyperlinks…)

With all of that ^^ in mind, I have a pretty strict and complicated personal social media policy. Every post gets filtered through a ton of internal screening questions, one of which prevents me some sharing anything too personal, negative or controversial.

This year I’ve been experimenting with stepping outside my normal boundaries, being a tad vulnerable and writing more open and honest posts. *cue dramatic music here*

vulnerability equals community

1) A couple months ago I shared this post, my first risk, describing a journey of burnout and recovery, at a level a lot more open and vulnerable than normal. #lifesuckssometimes

2) I followed it up with this post, sharing my progress after some time away in a really helpful and healing environment. #thereishope

3) Then recently, I shared this post about my burnout recovery. #itdoesgetbetter

It blew me away that after each post was published, it sparked a particular response from people. Messages of encouragement, people sharing their own stories, admiration for my courage in being honest… I heard from all kinds of people – some from my past, some I hadn’t heard from in ages, as well as close friends.

It occurred to me that by choosing to be vulnerable, I had created a space for others to step out, share their story with me, offer encouragement, even words of affirmation that truly meant so much to me.

Call me crazy, but that sounds like community, no? People sharing their stories, even if only momentarily, encouraging each other, expressing care, gratitude and support for each other.

So it got me thinking…

What if we all stopped posting our perfect lives, dialled back the filter a bit, relaxed our social media policy and allowed some raw honesty, some vulnerability back into our broader communication?

What the worst that could happen? People might know your life isn’t perfect and that you struggle sometimes too. Big deal.

What’s the best that could happen? You might just inspire people to step out and be honest with themselves and others, ask for help, find support and healing in a troubled time. You might give someone an opportunity to offer you some support and encouragement. You might just build community in your world.

Doesn’t sound so bad to me. The only cost? Your vulnerability.

JB xo

Birthday Facebook deactivation. Do try it.

Posted in Fun, Life, SocMed by

[Originally published 6th August 2013]

It was my birthday yesterday. 

So I turned my Facebook off.

“But Jess! Your birthday is, like, the BEST day to have Facebook!”

Yeah maybe… or maybe not…. And here’s why…

Sarah Deutscher recently spoke about “The Great Addiction” we have in this world, aka the “like button culture”. The addiction to being liked, flattered, have followers, and in this case the frenzy of birthday posts we expect. So, as a bit of a personal experiment (and because I started to consider the effect social media has on me) I turned my Facebook off yesterday.

About a year ago I started intentionally removing social media from the centre of my closest friendships. These days, the majority of my communication with these people is outside of social media. We talk in real life. (Remember what that was like?) 

In addition to this, I’ve also started deactivating my facebook whenever I am away, on leave, or just need to switch off and IT IS AWESOME. No notifications… No distractions… No obligation… Just real life, real people and real conversation. 

So when my birthday rolled around this year, I decided I wanted to spend it with my husband, family and friends WITHOUT the subconscious “chatter” of birthday posts. 

I’m sorry if I took away your chance to show me some birthday love, but I much prefer the effort of a birthday card than an overload of notifications. Also, I don’t want to feed my addiction to that “like button culture” I mentioned earlier. 

Y’see, here’s the other thing – Facebook is not one of my love languages. Actually, I’m pretty sure it’s not anyone’s love language because it’s not actually a love language. (Say what now?)! It’s just an internet page that we think is personal but really isn’t. Social media is a great tool for communication and connection (that I do really enjoy most days) but for life’s important events I find it to be cold, tasteless and can often feel like an obligation. (Be honest, how many “HBD2U” messages have you sent to someone you’re not really friends with, wouldn’t invite to your own b’day party, and only know it’s their birthday because facebook told you?) 

Am I over thinking it? Probably… Am I still happy I did it? You betcha. I love detoxing from the social media world and what better day to be fully present in the real world than my birthday? 

Just sayin’. 

Jess xo

P.s. Yes, I did turn 30 yesterday… No, I’m not upset about that. I’m actually really done with my 20’s and very excited to have entered the new decade. 

P.p.s. This was obviously a personal choice and not one I expect anyone to convert to having read this blog. There’s no judgement here. Do what you want with your social media. My only encouragement is that you turn it off every once in a while.Â