I know I’m not the only person who thinks the fouls we’ve been seeing in the World Cup are just a tad RIDICULOUS. I mean, c’mon. We should be handing out acting awards. #dramaqueen
So – What if these football fouls happened in real life?
It would look a little something like this:
The only reason I started a blog years ago was because I had to post journal entries online for a uni subject. I wrote very occasionally but really enjoyed it. This year, with a bit more time on my hands, I challenged myself to write more intentionally and more often. I upgraded to a new platform, got a new address and decided to share my site across my social media platforms with the help of a title picture with ‘jessicabigg.com’ included.
When I published ‘Life after 30‘ recently, I wondered if the way I’d included my website looked a bit naff and I feared I had just placed myself in the dreaded ‘tall poppy’ firing line…
So, to respond to the silent critics (both in my head, and in real life, probably) I’d like to answer a few questions and tell ‘Tall Poppy Syndrome’ (and those those who subscribe to it) to get STUFFED.
Q. What is tall poppy syndrome anyway?
It’s a social phenomenon where people who grow, succeed or stand out, are resented and criticised by others. (Yes, even by their peers.) It’s the assumption that you can’t be successful without being arrogant too, but it’s not the success that’s the problem; it’s the assumed superiority of the individual we don’t like.
It’s a huge part of Australian culture and something even I fall victim to, without even knowing. (Culture can be sneaky like that, but more on that in another post I wanna write soon.)
Q. Why start my own website?
Firstly, it’s just a blog all I did was pay the $18/year to drop the clunky ‘wordpress’ bit from the address. I couldn’t think of a creative alternative so I just kept it my name. Simple.
Secondly, I actually wrestled with potential arrogance of owning ‘jessicabigg.com’. I asked around, sought advice, wondered if it would be super obnoxious… The advice I got was:
1. If I didn’t secure jessicabigg.com someone else could’ve.
2. It wasn’t expensive.
3. Does it REALLY matter? Nope.
My purpose for writing hasn’t changed over the years. I still only write for the fun of it and hope that one person might read it, enjoy it, be encouraged by it, whatever they need in that moment.
Q. Why the title pictures? Why the social media promotion?
It’s not promotion, it’s accessibility. I did wonder if it looked a bit ‘tall poppy’, but those who know me know that’s not what I’m about. Of course I write because I hope someone might read it, but no, I don’t care how many likes or shares I get. I do keep an eye on my site statistics but only because I’m a bit of a geek that way and I’m so curious what topics people engage with.
I write because I have something to say, but I think we ALL have something to say. My awesome friend Bek recently started her own blog and she’s writing some great stuff! Go Bek!
Q. Why can’t we all just succeed?
Why is the default to find fault in others? I’d rather assume that everyone is awesome, and see everyone succeed at the things they love, whether it’s writing a blog, running a social media account, being CEO or a full time mum.
Here’s a thought: Maybe instead of cutting down the tall poppy’s, we should hang on to them so we can ALL grow. Together.
We looked at Psalm 103 at AccessTheStory rhythm this morning. Two questions were asked:
1. What do you learn about God?
2. What do you learn about us?
I grabbed two highlighters (one orange, one blue) and marked the words that described or were relevant to a) God, and b) me.
As I read through the 22 verses of Psalmy-goodness I soon realised the lesson for today was simple: The Eternal and I are intertwined.
My orange & blue highlighters had created a picture of the relationship that defines me. A visual that showed how God (the Eternal) and I, interact, cross-over, relate, come together, compliment and oppose all throughout this story.
We are body, emotions, mind… He is Eternal. (v1-2)
We offend, He forgives and releases. (v3)
We are sick, He heals our diseases, more than any doctor. (v3)
We are famished and withering, He fills us with beautiful things and satisfies us. (v5)
We are weak, He makes us strong like eagles. (v5)
When we are crushed, wronged, enslaved, raped, murdered, He is just and makes the wrongs right. (v6)
We cross the line, He is patient. (v8)
We struggle against him, He lovingly stays with us. (v8)
We make mistakes, He doesn’t punish us like we deserve (v10) but instead takes away all our crimes. (v12)
We revere him, He expresses love. (v13)
We are temporary (v15-16), He is Eternal (v17).
(…. you get the picture….)
It seems you can’t get to far with one highlighter before you need the other, and then before you know it, you swap back again. The Eternal.. His people… Him… Me… We are intertwined.
I believe there are two kinds of busy – a good and a bad kind. The good kind is what I mentioned here and is common for people in their 20’s. The bad kind is also common, especially among leaders, and is very dangerous. One difference between the two is the presence of rest. You can be good-busy and still rest. If you get stuck in the bad-busy chances are you’ve lost all your rest time and are headed towards burnout.
We all know the leadership road is tough, hard work, sometimes lonely, taxing and usually pretty exhausting. We also know leadership automatically puts people under our influence, people who follow our example (like it or not). I want to ask the question:
How are we exampling healthy REST to those we influence?
Truth is, I don’t think we are. Not generally speaking anyway. This got me thinking — maybe we’re bad examples because we don’t know how to do it in the first place?
If this is hitting home (and be honest, for some of you, it is) please indulge me as I offer a suggestion or two on the matter:
1. Know what rest means to you.
This isn’t as easy as it sounds. It’s not just the coffee-with-friends kind of downtime, I mean the really deep, soul filling, brain-switching-off kind of rest. Only you can truly know what this is for you. It might be an activity, a person or people, a place… It might even be something that is a special time commitment. For me it’s music, decent time with my husband & family, and writing. (I’ve recently discovered that writing isn’t just fun, it’s an outlet that brings clarity to my head. Lovely!)
BTW – if your rest time involves people, make sure it’s not people who require much from you. It’s ok to take your leader-hat off and just be you for a bit.
2. Make rest part of your weekly rhythm.
Seems simple right? THEN WHY AREN’T WE DOING IT? #whereismysoapbox
There should be no compromises here people. Stop the glorification of busy. Choose a day and block it out for rest. If important stuff takes over your rest day (which happens) only say yes to the important stuff if you can reschedule your rest day. My basic rule here is: the longer it takes to have a rest, the more rest time I will need.
3. Don’t apologise for needing rest.
It was 7am on a Tuesday morning. I’d only had about an hour’s sleep. My alarm went off and I was acutely aware of how awful I felt after a sleepless night. My body was practically yelling at me that it’d had enough and I needed to stop. I was so looking forward to a catch up with someone but had to listen to my body, take the day off and reschedule. I was sorry that I didn’t get to see my friend, but I wasn’t sorry that I needed to rest. I know my body well enough that when it presents certain symptoms I have to listen. I will unapologetically turn down an invitation to hang out if I need to prioritise rest.
4. You are here to example REST as much as anything else.
Yes, we will suffer for our calling. Yes, we sometimes will run ourselves into the ground. Yes, we will go above and beyond for the things and people we love. Yes, these are all great qualities to have as a leader and to example. But let me ask you: How are you exampling REST to those you influence? Passion and commitment are VITAL to your role but it’s not ok to let that passion steal your rest and burn you out. Those in your influence will see your example and naturally follow your lead. I have made it a priority to instil into those I mentor, a culture of understanding that rest and space is necessary.
5. Act now. Avoid disaster.
Develop good habits before it’s too late. Too many Pastors/Youth Workers/Leaders stay on the bad-busy road for too long and it’s time to set up a better way. I talk a lot about my physical symptoms or that my body ‘yells at me’ when it’s had enough. The specifics here are personal but trust me, you don’t want to get to the point where your capacity is clipped because your mind & body can’t handle it.
(And if you develop good habits now, you’ll example these habits to others and hopefully teach them how to balance life, serve well, rest well and avoid burnout.)
If you already have good resting habits, I APPLAUD YOU. Please please please share with me (and others) what you do to stay in good emotional health. We need to make it a cultural norm that we have time to rest properly.
Perhaps you struggle here and have awesome intentions but fail somewhat when it comes down to it. Fear not my friend, no one is perfect. Just promise me you will try.
(Fun fact, I mentioned the word ‘rest’ 25 times in the this blog. Guess I must be passionate about the topic….)
Turning 30 last year was a relief. Seriously… For me, it felt like a graduation from my extended period of adolescence that was my 20’s, into the era I was so ready for. As I approach my next birthday, I thought I’d put pen to paper (well, finger to keyboard) and jot down some things I love about my new age bracket.
1. I wear what I want.
I still like to take care of myself and ‘present well’ but I feel less pressure to look perfect all the time and I’m more comfortable in my own skin. Make-up free days are more common and I love my birkenstocks.
2. Weight gain.
Your body changes as you get older. True story. Obviously I’m not a massive fan of this one, but it’s a reality for me. I’m not in the best shape right now but my husband and I have recently made a pledge to re-prioritise health & fitness, despite my inability to play netball (my fave form of exercise) until my knee is stronger. Fingers crossed we stick to it.
3. General growth in my self-esteem.
I don’t want sound rude, but these days I care a lot less about what other people think of me. Which means others opinions don’t effect how I feel about myself. I know who I am, and I know what I’m worth.
4. Different time priorities.
I’m a believer that your 20’s are all about going crazy with your commitments, testing your limits & capacity, packing out your diary, trying loads of things. Nowadays it’s no longer about being crazy busy ALL the time. Sure, I have seasons where the diary gets a lil out of control, but I have stopped priding myself on how busy I am.
5. The little things are enough.
Married life. Family. Jess-time. Cooking a good meal. Going for walks. Saturdays at home. The simpler life is where it’s at for me now.
6. My goals have changed.
Similar to #4, I no longer want to be everything to everyone, but instead want to be the best me for the right people. Working part time is more important to me than speaking publicly in front of hundreds of people because it’s less stressful and makes me a better Jess/Wife/Sister/Daughter/Friend. #DoLessBeMore
7. No more apologies. I am who I am.
I’m assertive & outspoken. I dream big. I work hard. I devote myself to the people and projects I allow in my world. I’m a fierce introvert with a small & protective inner circle. I’m not perfect. It took my 20s to truly discover all that, but I’m comfortable in myself now and I won’t apologise for it anymore.
8. Better at resting. (This one is my fave!)
I learnt this one the hard way, but now I know what I need to rest & recover from everything life brings and like #7 I make no apologies for this. If I’m going to commit to night shift work (which I currently do) I know I need a clear schedule the next day to recover. If I’m involved in a week-long camp I’ll factor in a few rest days after.
9. I take myself (and others) less seriously.
We are all just people with stories. People that laugh, cry, sleep, eat, fart, get sick, fall over, say the right things, say the wrong things… bla bla bla. You get the picture. Regardless of your role, title or expertise we’re all just a bunch of imperfect people who probably laugh at poo jokes. I prefer to see the world this way.
So, what do you think? Have you recently moved into a new age bracket or phase of life? If you and I were sitting across a coffee table right now, I would wanna chat about what you’re learning. Feel free to comment or share your thoughts below 🙂
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Learning the art of living well...
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