Category Archives: Life

Tall poppy syndrome can get stuffed.

Posted in Life by

The only reason I started a blog years ago was because I had to post journal entries online for a uni subject. I wrote very occasionally but really enjoyed it. This year, with a bit more time on my hands, I challenged myself to write more intentionally and more often. I upgraded to a new platform, got a new address and decided to share my site across my social media platforms with the help of a title picture with ‘jessicabigg.com’ included.

When I published ‘Life after 30‘ recently, I wondered if the way I’d included my website looked a bit naff and I feared I had just placed myself in the dreaded ‘tall poppy’ firing line…

So, to respond to the silent critics (both in my head, and in real life, probably) I’d like to answer a few questions and tell ‘Tall Poppy Syndrome’ (and those those who subscribe to it) to get STUFFED.

Q. What is tall poppy syndrome anyway?

It’s a social phenomenon where people who grow, succeed or stand out, are resented and criticised by others. (Yes, even by their peers.) It’s the assumption that you can’t be successful without being arrogant too, but it’s not the success that’s the problem; it’s the assumed superiority of the individual we don’t like.

It’s a huge part of Australian culture and something even I fall victim to, without even knowing. (Culture can be sneaky like that, but more on that in another post I wanna write soon.)

Q. Why start my own website?IMG_4487

Firstly, it’s just a blog all I did was pay the $18/year to drop the clunky ‘wordpress’ bit from the address. I couldn’t think of a creative alternative so I just kept it my name. Simple.

Secondly, I actually wrestled with potential arrogance of owning ‘jessicabigg.com’. I asked around, sought advice, wondered if it would be super obnoxious… The advice I got was:

1. If I didn’t secure jessicabigg.com someone else could’ve.
2. It wasn’t expensive.
3. Does it REALLY matter? Nope.

My purpose for writing hasn’t changed over the years. I still only write for the fun of it and hope that one person might read it, enjoy it, be encouraged by it, whatever they need in that moment.

Q. Why the title pictures? Why the social media promotion?

It’s not promotion, it’s accessibility. I did wonder if it looked a bit ‘tall poppy’, but those who know me know that’s not what I’m about. Of course I write because I hope someone might read it, but no, I don’t care how many likes or shares I get. I do keep an eye on my site statistics but only because I’m a bit of a geek that way and I’m so curious what topics people engage with.

I write because I have something to say,  but I think we ALL have something to say. My awesome friend Bek recently started her own blog and she’s writing some great stuff! Go Bek!

Q. Why can’t we all just succeed? 

Why is the default to find fault in others? I’d rather assume that everyone is awesome, and see everyone succeed at the things they love, whether it’s writing a blog, running a social media account, being CEO or a full time mum.

Here’s a thought: Maybe instead of cutting down the tall poppy’s, we should hang on to them so we can ALL grow. Together.

IMG_4616

Good leaders example good rest.

Posted in God, Life, Uncategorized by

I believe there are two kinds of busy – a good and a bad kind. The good kind is what I mentioned here and is common for people in their 20’s. The bad kind is also common, especially among leaders, and is very dangerous. One difference between the two is the presence of rest. You can be good-busy and still rest. If you get stuck in the bad-busy chances are you’ve lost all your rest time and are headed towards burnout.

We all know the leadership road is tough, hard work, sometimes lonely, taxing and usually pretty exhausting. We also know leadership automatically puts people under our influence, people who follow our example (like it or not). I want to ask the question:

How are we exampling healthy REST to those we influence? 

IMG_4434Truth is, I don’t think we are. Not generally speaking anyway. This got me thinking — maybe we’re bad examples because we don’t know how to do it in the first place? 

If this is hitting home (and be honest, for some of you, it is) please indulge me as I offer a suggestion or two on the matter:

1. Know what rest means to you. 
This isn’t as easy as it sounds. It’s not just the coffee-with-friends kind of downtime, I mean the really deep, soul filling, brain-switching-off kind of rest. Only you can truly know what this is for you. It might be an activity, a person or people, a place… It might even be something that is a special time commitment. For me it’s music, decent time with my husband & family, and writing. (I’ve recently discovered that writing isn’t just fun, it’s an outlet that brings clarity to my head. Lovely!)

BTW – if your rest time involves people, make sure it’s not people who require much from you. It’s ok to take your leader-hat off and just be you for a bit.

2. Make rest part of your weekly rhythm.
Seems simple right? THEN WHY AREN’T WE DOING IT? #whereismysoapbox
There should be no compromises here people. Stop the glorification of busy. Choose a day and block it out for rest. If important stuff takes over your rest day (which happens) only say yes to the important stuff if you can reschedule your rest day. My basic rule here is: the longer it takes to have a rest, the more rest time I will need.

3. Don’t apologise for needing rest.
It was 7am on a Tuesday morning. I’d only had about an hour’s sleep. My alarm went off and I was acutely aware of how awful I felt after a sleepless night. My body was practically yelling at me that it’d had enough and I needed to stop. I was so looking forward to a catch up with someone but had to listen to my body, take the day off and reschedule. I was sorry that I didn’t get to see my friend, but I wasn’t sorry that I needed to rest. I know my body well enough that when it presents certain symptoms I have to listen. I will unapologetically turn down an invitation to hang out if I need to prioritise rest.

4. You are here to example REST as much as anything else. 
Yes, we will suffer for our calling. Yes, we sometimes will run ourselves into the ground. Yes, we will go above and beyond for the things and people we love. Yes, these are all great qualities to have as a leader and to example. But let me ask you: How are you exampling REST to those you influence? Passion and commitment are VITAL to your role but it’s not ok to let that passion steal your rest and burn you out. Those in your influence will see your example and naturally follow your lead. I have made it a priority to instil into those I mentor, a culture of understanding that rest and space is necessary.

5. Act now. Avoid disaster.
Develop good habits before it’s too late. Too many Pastors/Youth Workers/Leaders stay on the bad-busy road for too long and it’s time to set up a better way. I talk a lot about my physical symptoms or that my body ‘yells at me’ when it’s had enough. The specifics here are personal but trust me, you don’t want to get to the point where your capacity is clipped because your mind & body can’t handle it.

(And if you develop good habits now, you’ll example these habits to others and hopefully teach them how to balance life, serve well, rest well and avoid burnout.)

If you already have good resting habits, I APPLAUD YOU. Please please please share with me (and others) what you do to stay in good emotional health. We need to make it a cultural norm that we have time to rest properly.

Perhaps you struggle here and have awesome intentions but fail somewhat when it comes down to it. Fear not my friend, no one is perfect. Just promise me you will try.

(Fun fact, I mentioned the word ‘rest’ 25 times in the this blog. Guess I must be passionate about the topic….)

 

Life after 30.

Posted in Fun, Life by

Turning 30 last year was a relief. Seriously… For me, it felt like a graduation from my extended period of adolescence that was my 20’s, into the era I was so ready for. As I approach my next birthday, I thought I’d put pen to paper (well, finger to keyboard) and jot down some things I love about my new age bracket.

1. I wear what I want.
I still like to take care of myself and ‘present well’ but I feel less pressure to look perfect all the time and I’m more comfortable in my own skin. Make-up free days are more common and I love my birkenstocks. 

IMG_4390

2. Weight gain.
Your body changes as you get older. True story. Obviously I’m not a massive fan of this one, but it’s a reality for me. I’m not in the best shape right now but my husband and I have recently made a pledge to re-prioritise health & fitness, despite my inability to play netball (my fave form of exercise) until my knee is stronger. Fingers crossed we stick to it.

3. General growth in my self-esteem.
I don’t want sound rude, but these days I care a lot less about what other people think of me. Which means others opinions don’t effect how I feel about myself. I know who I am, and I know what I’m worth.

4. Different time priorities.
I’m a believer that your 20’s are all about going crazy with your commitments, testing your limits & capacity, packing out your diary, trying loads of things. Nowadays it’s no longer about being crazy busy ALL the time. Sure, I have seasons where the diary gets a lil out of control, but I have stopped priding myself on how busy I am.

5. The little things are enough.
Married life. Family. Jess-time. Cooking a good meal. Going for walks. Saturdays at home. The simpler life is where it’s at for me now.

6. My goals have changed.
Similar to #4, I no longer want to be everything to everyone, but instead want to be the best me for the right people. Working part time is more important to me than speaking publicly in front of hundreds of people because it’s less stressful and makes me a better Jess/Wife/Sister/Daughter/Friend. #DoLessBeMore

7. No more apologies. I am who I am.
I’m assertive & outspoken. I dream big. I work hard. I devote myself to the people and projects I allow in my world. I’m a fierce introvert with a small & protective inner circle. I’m not perfect. It took my 20s to truly discover all that, but I’m comfortable in myself now and I won’t apologise for it anymore.

8. Better at resting. (This one is my fave!)
I learnt this one the hard way, but now I know what I need to rest & recover from everything life brings and like #7 I make no apologies for this. If I’m going to commit to night shift work (which I currently do) I know I need a clear schedule the next day to recover. If I’m involved in a week-long camp I’ll factor in a few rest days after.

9. I take myself (and others) less seriously.
We are all just people with stories. People that laugh, cry, sleep, eat, fart, get sick, fall over, say the right things, say the wrong things… bla bla bla. You get the picture. Regardless of your role, title or expertise we’re all just a bunch of imperfect people who probably laugh at poo jokes. I prefer to see the world this way.

So, what do you think? Have you recently moved into a new age bracket or phase of life? If you and I were sitting across a coffee table right now, I would wanna chat about what you’re learning. Feel free to comment or share your thoughts below 🙂

The power of vulnerability to build community.

Posted in AccessTheStory, Life, SocMed by

I use social media a lot. I’m on Facebook, Instagram and twitter, the first two I use constantly, I mean, regularly. 😉 I also manage The Simple Life and contribute to AccessTheStory. (So many hyperlinks…)

With all of that ^^ in mind, I have a pretty strict and complicated personal social media policy. Every post gets filtered through a ton of internal screening questions, one of which prevents me some sharing anything too personal, negative or controversial.

This year I’ve been experimenting with stepping outside my normal boundaries, being a tad vulnerable and writing more open and honest posts. *cue dramatic music here*

vulnerability equals community

1) A couple months ago I shared this post, my first risk, describing a journey of burnout and recovery, at a level a lot more open and vulnerable than normal. #lifesuckssometimes

2) I followed it up with this post, sharing my progress after some time away in a really helpful and healing environment. #thereishope

3) Then recently, I shared this post about my burnout recovery. #itdoesgetbetter

It blew me away that after each post was published, it sparked a particular response from people. Messages of encouragement, people sharing their own stories, admiration for my courage in being honest… I heard from all kinds of people – some from my past, some I hadn’t heard from in ages, as well as close friends.

It occurred to me that by choosing to be vulnerable, I had created a space for others to step out, share their story with me, offer encouragement, even words of affirmation that truly meant so much to me.

Call me crazy, but that sounds like community, no? People sharing their stories, even if only momentarily, encouraging each other, expressing care, gratitude and support for each other.

So it got me thinking…

What if we all stopped posting our perfect lives, dialled back the filter a bit, relaxed our social media policy and allowed some raw honesty, some vulnerability back into our broader communication?

What the worst that could happen? People might know your life isn’t perfect and that you struggle sometimes too. Big deal.

What’s the best that could happen? You might just inspire people to step out and be honest with themselves and others, ask for help, find support and healing in a troubled time. You might give someone an opportunity to offer you some support and encouragement. You might just build community in your world.

Doesn’t sound so bad to me. The only cost? Your vulnerability.

JB xo

3 stages to burnout recovery || What I’ve learnt so far…

Posted in God, Life, SocMed by

[Originally published 13th May 2014]

If you’ve read my other posts this year, you’ve probably picked up that life wasn’t that easy last year. I’m ok to admit that, in fact, I think we should all talk about our struggles more often. As such, I’ve been reflecting on the recent months and I felt it might be good to share some of my burnout recovery experience with y’all.

[Disclaimer: 
I’m not a professional in this matter so please read this knowing that I am speaking only from my own personal research and experience. I’m also only about 6 months into my own recovery and therefore fully expect that my thoughts and advice will evolve.]

Stage 1: Know what burnout is.

I have found this handbook very easy to read, informative and therefore incredibly helpful. It describes burnout as:

“a form of chronic strain that develops over time in response to prolonged periods of high stress.”

It also describes three core dimensions of burnout being:

“emotional exhaustion, depersonalisation, and reduced personal accomplishment.”

Sounds scary, huh? Yeah. It kinda is. Burnout is basically like stress on steroids. 
It’s easy to ignore the signs and it can even happen when you love what you do. In fact, it’s more likely to happen in this case cos you are prepared to go the extra mile (the one that kills you) when you are more passionate.

I discovered I was burnt out in about October 2012, which meant I probably had it for at least a few months prior. Unfortunately it wasn’t until October 2013 (a year later) that I was able to step into a space of recovery. I’ve heard different opinions regarding how long burnout recovery can take but it seems the average is up to 2 years. #yikes


Stage 2: Prepare yourself for recovery.

– Relationships will change. The difficult times in life are great for revealing the true status of your relationships. Burnout is no different. It’s tough. People are in your life for a reason but in reality, very few will contribute to your support and healing. Their silence will hurt. But that’s ok. It will feel like they’re choosing your ‘ex’ over you (if burnout was like a bad relationship break up). You just gotta move on because during this early stage, you have to think about your own well-being and not the state of every single friendship in your world.

– Your capacity will disappear. I used to get my kicks out of having multiple priorities and responsibilities, juggling crazy hours, long days, volunteering, public speaking, the works! There came a point where I just couldn’t do all of that – I would get really sick, lose focus, feel anxious… I just didn’t feel like me anymore. It makes you feel pretty lost and I found it challenged my sense of identity.

– Cut out major responsibilities for the short term, and slowly re-introduce them as you begin to feel better. For me I had to stop working full time, and thanks to the support from my husband, was able to be at home more and take care of life’s simple responsibilities.

Stage 
3. Walk the recovery journey. Some tips:

– You have your good days and your bad days. Good days might mean you have the energy for a walk or run, a feeling of general happiness and a desire to be around people you would normally place in the “too draining” category. Bad days might look like staying in bed, unable to leave the house, re-watching a season (or two) of your favourite tv show. FYI – both good and bad days are not just allowed but are to be expected.

– Celebrate the small wins. As you rediscover your confidence, slowly, as new adventures entice you out of your cave and back into the land of the living, there will be moments when you achieve something. Even if it’s just getting through your emails, or nailing that work presentation, realise that you DO still have something to offer and you ARE a highly skilled individual.

– Acknowledge how bad it got, and that you have responsibility here, too. Brace yourself though, its hard to look back and you might discover it was a lot worse than you thought and you have more work to do to get better. (As was the case for me…)

– Evaluate your social media presence. I’ve found socmed to be pretty unhelpful with my recovery. Unfriend or at least unfollow people that bring up familiar and unwelcome feelings of anxiety. It only drags you back into the place where your head is filled with crap you don’t need.

– Learn from the past. Don’t make the same mistakes again. For me, I learned that doing too much, for too long, in an environment that wasn’t healthy for me was the killer combo. From now on I will be more discerning with people and projects I attach myself to, especially knowing now how much I pour myself into the work I do.

It’s not easy but I can honestly say that 6 months on, I am a million times better already. There is still a ways to go but I feel like I’m over the worst of it and I’m just about ready to take on a new adventure.

Thanks for listening. Hope this has helped someone.

JB xo