Psalm 103 – The Eternal & I: Intertwined.

We looked at Psalm 103 at AccessTheStory rhythm this morning. Two questions were asked:

1. What do you learn about God?
2. What do you learn about us? 

I grabbed two highlighters (one orange, one blue) and marked the words that described or were relevant to a) God, and b) me.

As I read through the 22 verses of Psalmy-goodness I soon realised the lesson for today was simple: The Eternal and I are intertwined.

My orange & blue highlighters had created a picture of the relationship that defines me.  A visual that showed how God (the Eternal) and I, interact, cross-over, relate, come together, compliment and oppose all throughout this story.

We are body, emotions, mind… He is Eternal. (v1-2)

We offend, He forgives and releases. (v3)

We are sick, He heals our diseases, more than any doctor. (v3)

We are famished and withering, He fills us with beautiful things and satisfies us. (v5)

We are weak, He makes us strong like eagles. (v5)

When we are crushed, wronged, enslaved, raped, murdered, He is just and makes the wrongs right. (v6)

We cross the line, He is patient. (v8)

We struggle against him, He lovingly stays with us. (v8)

We make mistakes, He doesn’t punish us like we deserve (v10) but instead takes away all our crimes. (v12)

We revere him, He expresses love. (v13)

We are temporary (v15-16), He is Eternal (v17).

(…. you get the picture….)

It seems you can’t get to far with one highlighter before you need the other, and then before you know it, you swap back again. The Eternal.. His people… Him… Me… We are intertwined.

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Good leaders example good rest.

I believe there are two kinds of busy – a good and a bad kind. The good kind is what I mentioned here and is common for people in their 20’s. The bad kind is also common, especially among leaders, and is very dangerous. One difference between the two is the presence of rest. You can be good-busy and still rest. If you get stuck in the bad-busy chances are you’ve lost all your rest time and are headed towards burnout.

We all know the leadership road is tough, hard work, sometimes lonely, taxing and usually pretty exhausting. We also know leadership automatically puts people under our influence, people who follow our example (like it or not). I want to ask the question:

How are we exampling healthy REST to those we influence? 

IMG_4434Truth is, I don’t think we are. Not generally speaking anyway. This got me thinking — maybe we’re bad examples because we don’t know how to do it in the first place? 

If this is hitting home (and be honest, for some of you, it is) please indulge me as I offer a suggestion or two on the matter:

1. Know what rest means to you. 
This isn’t as easy as it sounds. It’s not just the coffee-with-friends kind of downtime, I mean the really deep, soul filling, brain-switching-off kind of rest. Only you can truly know what this is for you. It might be an activity, a person or people, a place… It might even be something that is a special time commitment. For me it’s music, decent time with my husband & family, and writing. (I’ve recently discovered that writing isn’t just fun, it’s an outlet that brings clarity to my head. Lovely!)

BTW – if your rest time involves people, make sure it’s not people who require much from you. It’s ok to take your leader-hat off and just be you for a bit.

2. Make rest part of your weekly rhythm.
Seems simple right? THEN WHY AREN’T WE DOING IT? #whereismysoapbox
There should be no compromises here people. Stop the glorification of busy. Choose a day and block it out for rest. If important stuff takes over your rest day (which happens) only say yes to the important stuff if you can reschedule your rest day. My basic rule here is: the longer it takes to have a rest, the more rest time I will need.

3. Don’t apologise for needing rest.
It was 7am on a Tuesday morning. I’d only had about an hour’s sleep. My alarm went off and I was acutely aware of how awful I felt after a sleepless night. My body was practically yelling at me that it’d had enough and I needed to stop. I was so looking forward to a catch up with someone but had to listen to my body, take the day off and reschedule. I was sorry that I didn’t get to see my friend, but I wasn’t sorry that I needed to rest. I know my body well enough that when it presents certain symptoms I have to listen. I will unapologetically turn down an invitation to hang out if I need to prioritise rest.

4. You are here to example REST as much as anything else. 
Yes, we will suffer for our calling. Yes, we sometimes will run ourselves into the ground. Yes, we will go above and beyond for the things and people we love. Yes, these are all great qualities to have as a leader and to example. But let me ask you: How are you exampling REST to those you influence? Passion and commitment are VITAL to your role but it’s not ok to let that passion steal your rest and burn you out. Those in your influence will see your example and naturally follow your lead. I have made it a priority to instil into those I mentor, a culture of understanding that rest and space is necessary.

5. Act now. Avoid disaster.
Develop good habits before it’s too late. Too many Pastors/Youth Workers/Leaders stay on the bad-busy road for too long and it’s time to set up a better way. I talk a lot about my physical symptoms or that my body ‘yells at me’ when it’s had enough. The specifics here are personal but trust me, you don’t want to get to the point where your capacity is clipped because your mind & body can’t handle it.

(And if you develop good habits now, you’ll example these habits to others and hopefully teach them how to balance life, serve well, rest well and avoid burnout.)

If you already have good resting habits, I APPLAUD YOU. Please please please share with me (and others) what you do to stay in good emotional health. We need to make it a cultural norm that we have time to rest properly.

Perhaps you struggle here and have awesome intentions but fail somewhat when it comes down to it. Fear not my friend, no one is perfect. Just promise me you will try.

(Fun fact, I mentioned the word ‘rest’ 25 times in the this blog. Guess I must be passionate about the topic….)

 

Jesus is the fishing expert (John 21)

Picture this.

You’ve got a bunch of guys out on a fishing boat, a couple of them are professional fishermen. They’ve been out all night and have caught nothing.

Early in the morning a guy is standing on the shore (so not even near the boat or where they were fishing). He yells out to the fisherman, “Have you caught anything yet?”.

The story tells us the fisherman replied with a one-word “No”.IMG_4272

(My friend Matt has some insight here and wonders if the tone of their “No” offered a hint of exhaustion? Irritation? Embarrassment? Perhaps…)

The guy on the shore then yells out and tell them to cast their nets on the right side of the boat.

You’d think at least the professional fishermen would’ve thought of that already.

Anyway, the moment they cast the net on the right side the story says “they were unable to haul the net in because it was so full of fish.

Turns out, the guy on the shore was Jesus and He knew exactly where to cast the net.

In the context of my life right now, there’s an element of Jesus asking me to cast my net even though I can’t see any fish. While it can be liberating to not know where the next step is going to take you, it’s pretty awesome when you take that step of faith, ‘cast your net’ and see what happens.

Here’s a few other things I’m learning from this part of the story:

1. You are not always the expert. 

Consider your expertise. Now consider that someone else knows more about that than you do. It’s not always easy to allow someone else to lead or teach you, especially if it’s some bystander on the shore. I doubt it would’ve been easy for the fisherman in the boat to take Jesus’ advice, but I bet they were glad they did.

2. Always be open to surprise. 

The story talks about the catch like it happened instantly. You’d think this would mean the fish were near the water’s surface and possibly visible, but if that were true the fishermen would’ve seen them. So, was it the casting of the net that drew the fish in? Who knows. I don’t think the details mattered to the fisherman as they drew in their nets full of fish.

3. Saying ‘yes’ to Jesus = Rewarding step of faith. 

The guys in the boat had nothing to lose by casting their net on the right side. They’d been out all night and had caught nothing. Ever been there? I have. It’s a bit scary. Next time you’re at a dead end and you feel like you should do something random, just do it. You might just land a huge catch.

[Every Monday I catch up with the ATS crew and we ‘story’. I hope to have more to share with y’all as I discover more about the greatest story ever told]

 

3 stages to burnout recovery || What I’ve learnt so far…

[Originally published 13th May 2014]

If you’ve read my other posts this year, you’ve probably picked up that life wasn’t that easy last year. I’m ok to admit that, in fact, I think we should all talk about our struggles more often. As such, I’ve been reflecting on the recent months and I felt it might be good to share some of my burnout recovery experience with y’all.

[Disclaimer: 
I’m not a professional in this matter so please read this knowing that I am speaking only from my own personal research and experience. I’m also only about 6 months into my own recovery and therefore fully expect that my thoughts and advice will evolve.]

Stage 1: Know what burnout is.

I have found this handbook very easy to read, informative and therefore incredibly helpful. It describes burnout as:

“a form of chronic strain that develops over time in response to prolonged periods of high stress.”

It also describes three core dimensions of burnout being:

emotional exhaustion, depersonalisation, and reduced personal accomplishment.”

Sounds scary, huh? Yeah. It kinda is. Burnout is basically like stress on steroids. 
It’s easy to ignore the signs and it can even happen when you love what you do. In fact, it’s more likely to happen in this case cos you are prepared to go the extra mile (the one that kills you) when you are more passionate.

I discovered I was burnt out in about October 2012, which meant I probably had it for at least a few months prior. Unfortunately it wasn’t until October 2013 (a year later) that I was able to step into a space of recovery. I’ve heard different opinions regarding how long burnout recovery can take but it seems the average is up to 2 years. #yikes


Stage 2: Prepare yourself for recovery.

– Relationships will change. The difficult times in life are great for revealing the true status of your relationships. Burnout is no different. It’s tough. People are in your life for a reason but in reality, very few will contribute to your support and healing. Their silence will hurt. But that’s ok. It will feel like they’re choosing your ‘ex’ over you (if burnout was like a bad relationship break up). You just gotta move on because during this early stage, you have to think about your own well-being and not the state of every single friendship in your world.

– Your capacity will disappear. I used to get my kicks out of having multiple priorities and responsibilities, juggling crazy hours, long days, volunteering, public speaking, the works! There came a point where I just couldn’t do all of that – I would get really sick, lose focus, feel anxious… I just didn’t feel like me anymore. It makes you feel pretty lost and I found it challenged my sense of identity.

– Cut out major responsibilities for the short term, and slowly re-introduce them as you begin to feel better. For me I had to stop working full time, and thanks to the support from my husband, was able to be at home more and take care of life’s simple responsibilities.

Stage 3. Walk the recovery journey. Some tips:

– You have your good days and your bad days. Good days might mean you have the energy for a walk or run, a feeling of general happiness and a desire to be around people you would normally place in the “too draining” category. Bad days might look like staying in bed, unable to leave the house, re-watching a season (or two) of your favourite tv show. FYI – both good and bad days are not just allowed but are to be expected.

– Celebrate the small wins. As you rediscover your confidence, slowly, as new adventures entice you out of your cave and back into the land of the living, there will be moments when you achieve something. Even if it’s just getting through your emails, or nailing that work presentation, realise that you DO still have something to offer and you ARE a highly skilled individual.

– Acknowledge how bad it got, and that you have responsibility here, too. Brace yourself though, its hard to look back and you might discover it was a lot worse than you thought and you have more work to do to get better. (As was the case for me…)

– Evaluate your social media presence. I’ve found socmed to be pretty unhelpful with my recovery. Unfriend or at least unfollow people that bring up familiar and unwelcome feelings of anxiety. It only drags you back into the place where your head is filled with crap you don’t need.

– Learn from the past. Don’t make the same mistakes again. For me, I learned that doing too much, for too long, in an environment that wasn’t healthy for me was the killer combo. From now on I will be more discerning with people and projects I attach myself to, especially knowing now how much I pour myself into the work I do.

It’s not easy but I can honestly say that 6 months on, I am a million times better already. There is still a ways to go but I feel like I’m over the worst of it and I’m just about ready to take on a new adventure.

Thanks for listening. Hope this has helped someone.

JB xo

Checkpoint: Part two. Post Conference.

[Originally published 18th March 2014]

Last week I shared this post – part one of this checkpoint which is proving to be quite the turning point for me… 

There are some verses in Psalm 38 that reflect how I was feeling last week. Words like “my heart pounds, my strength fails me, even the light has gone from my eyes” (v10) described what life has often felt like in recent months. Prayers like v22-21, “Lord, don’t forsake me; don’t be far from me my God. Come quickly to help me, my Lord and my Saviour” were similar to what I carried on my heart as I arrived in Sydney for Colour Conference*.  

I can honestly say that there was definitely a specific agenda to my being in Sydney. After months of feeling ‘deactivated’, with no clarity, living with a posture in my spirit that could only be described as down-trodden, I heard words like “you will rise“, “you have permission“, “it is personal” and these three words that cut right to the core of me, “GET. BACK. UP.

#woah.

I was also reminded that one of my strengths is how I pour myself into what I do and that’s OK – but – I need to guard my heart (Proverbs 4:23) and be mindful of what I’m pouring myself into. 

God could not have been more specific. 

So, what does that mean for me? Where to now? Naturally I returned home chewing on those questions and keen to debrief with a close friend and mentor. Which I did. (I love a good debrief!)

I believe now, that after a few months of rest and recovery, it’s clear the next big adventure is before me, and it’s time to get back up and go. Step one involves the launch of a new ministry organisation, “Access The Story” happening next Saturday, to which you are invited, and where you will find out more of the story and adventure ahead. 

My journey up to now hasn’t been easy, but it has shaped me, taught me and obviously led me to this point today, so in the end, I am grateful

I am grateful… 

… for the time I could spend in Sydney, with my awesome mum, in an atmosphere of encouragement, love, community and good teaching. 

… for the specific lessons, breaking the hold my past still had over me. 

… for the power in simply choosing to be grateful! (Go on, try it….) 

… for the sale the “Superdry” store had that meant I could come home with an awesome present for my husband, Darren. 😉 (Two hoodies for the price of one? Yes please!)

… for fresh revelation that through it all I am called to love relentlessly, just as I am loved first, because darkness trembles at a love like that. (And I wanna be the kind of person that makes darkness tremble…. Don’t you?) 

As usual, my weekend at Colour Conference did not disappoint, and I confess – I did buy a conference t-shirt… I will probably wear it twice and then promote it to the pajama’s drawer. #sawitcoming

J xx